Hacker Cinema
Conan the Barbarian
1982 · Film · 130 min
Part of Conan the Barbarian Collection
Directed by John Milius
A horde of rampaging warriors massacre the parents of young Conan and enslave the young child for years on The Wheel of Pain. As the sole survivor of the childhood massacre, Conan is released from slavery and taught the ancient arts of fighting. Transforming himself into a killing machine, Conan travels into the wilderness to seek vengeance on Thulsa Doom, the man responsible for killing his family. In the wilderness, Conan takes up with the thieves Valeria and Subotai. The group comes upon King Osric, who wants the trio of warriors to help rescue his daughter who has joined Doom in the hills.
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24 comments on Hacker News
The original teaser for Star Wars was made before they had John Williams' score:
https://youtu.be/XHk5kCIiGoM?si=VxAJcCATzwn6gZPw
Watching it may help you appreciate just how important the Williams' score was to Star Wars' success. It's one of the all-time greats!
I'd also add that some movies are worth watching purely because of their score. e.g. "Conan the Barbarian" is a pretty shlocky flick. However, the director and composer took a collaborative approach to the score that was closer to opera than film. Unlike most movies, work on the score began before filming and there was continual collaboration during filming. The result remains one of the best scores in the history of film, and a film that makes the music its backbone.
>An alarming number of people seem to build their intuition about the world from fictional sources, without even realizing it.
A friend of mine had a machete that they destroyed when they took a mighty swing at a tiny tree. You could put your hand around this tree but still, do you expect to chop through a baseball bat with your sword like Conan the Barbarian? Too many films depict unrealistic swordplay.
> Games are doomed by femininity. Across media, genres marketed toward women are deemed lesser than their masculine counterparts: romance novels are trashy, chick flicks are shallow, and pop idols are embarrassing
This idea is trotted out but is really blatantly false when you think of it. Jayne Eyre, Wuthering Heights, Little Women, Pride and Prejudice, Sense and Sensibility. These books have all withstood the test of time and are considered fine literature but are absolutely feminine. Romance novels are considered less than because they are not good books, just in the sense that Conan the Barbarian is also considered not fine literature despite being dripping in masculinity.
Manhattan, Annie Hall, When Harry Met Sally. There are tons of "chick flicks" that are considered great films. Some directors like Catherine Breillat are extremely feminist in their works and well regarded directors with well regarded films in cinephile circles.
Conan the Barbarian: co-written by Oliver Stone, directed by John Milius, music composed by Basil Poledouris. Oh, and co-starring James Earl Jones and Max von Sydow. An astounding lineup.
I agree with you about Conan the Barbarian being a high note. That movie doesn’t get enough credit. There are very few better in the whole genre.
There was Conan the Barbarian before them. But pretty much everything else in the genre was mediocre or cringe-worthy.
On the other hand, I remember fondly the movie nights a local sci-fi club used to run until the mid-2000s. There were so many terrible Conan clones that were enormously entertaining. And there were some brilliant moments in the early LOTR movies. Such as "Where There's a Whip".
Let’s be real, the overwhelming majority of those 500 are straight up terrible. Netflix alone has produced well over 100 movies, and IMO at best some of them are worth finishing not that I can think of any off the top of my head.
Now I’m sure you’ve looked forward to many movies but off the top of your head list stuff you’ve either seen more than once and or actually recommend to someone that came our in the last 10 years vs…
(78) The Deer Hunter, Superman, National Lampoon's Animal House, Invasion of the Body Snatchers (79) Apocalypse Now, Alien, Life of Brian, Mad Max, Escape from Alcatraz (80) The Shining, Star Wars: Episode V, Airplane!, The Blues Brothers, Caddyshack, The Elephant Man (81) Raiders of the Lost Ark, Das Boot, The Evil Dead, Mad Max 2, Escape from New York, Time Bandits (82) Blade Runner, The Thing, E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial, Poltergeist, Conan the Barbarian, Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Tron (83) Scarface, WarGames, Star Wars: Episode VI, Trading Places, The Evil Dead
Obviously not all great movies but that’s ~30 classic movies in just 6 years and I’m sure I’ve missed a few as kids movies are largely missing from that list.
For me he will always be Thulsa Doom from Conan the Barbarian. You need to watch that movie if you haven't already.
In the specific case of Star Wars, that’s exactly how you make something decent within the Star Wars framework: pick a few elements, including characters, plots, shots, scenes, lines, whatever, from a broad set of genre media, mash them together, and apply Star Wars lipstick. The first film basically defined the genre pastiche film, and it’s still the straightest path to making something Ok within Star Wars. Most failures (and there are so many) are creatives failing to appreciate this, or not leaning into it hard enough.
Mandalorean has one episode that’s about 50% The Wages of Fear and I bet the other main element of accidentally finding some officer you’d really like to get revenge on but while in the middle of committing another crime is also from something else, but I’m not sure what. The AT-ST episode is basically a Conan the Barbarian story plus any of a few westerns (the training-the-town-folk thing—even the woman who’s an uncannily good shot for no reason ever explained is lifted from westerns). That show got how to do Star Wars.
More broadly, yes, more original (at least, not based on an existing visual-media franchise) sci fi movies would be cool to see.
How do you feel about the film Conan the Barbarian?
>> Or perhaps the word "glaive", to mean a thrown multi-bladed spinning weapon? I believe from Warcraft.
No no, Krull (1983):
Colwyn is found and nursed by Ynyr, the Old One. Ynyr tells Colwyn that the Beast can be defeated with the Glaive, an ancient, magical, five-pointed throwing star.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Krull_(film)
Incidentally, Krull is like many other fantasy films of that era (there was a bit of a trend at the time, it appears) that are very much like (some) D&D scenarios: the plot is essentially a string of little vignettes in each of which the good guys confront some terrible enemy and defeat it, culminating to a big boss fight at the end. Frex, Conan the Barbarian (1982) is very much like that, as is The Beastmaster (1982).
I'm a bigger fan of just de-noising video, and leaving it gone. I don't want it replicated, UNLESS the de-noised video is such a low-bitrate blocky mess that you absolutely NEED the noise in the video to hide it.
Conan The Barbarian DVD is the noisiest film I can think of off-the-top. Strong de-noising makes it look far, far better. But just about every movie out there benefits from modest de-noising.
Yeah, I agree. Limiting to one is tricky, when years like 1982 are famous for having multiple amazing films (in this example all released in the summer)
You're right that "Greatest Hit of that year" is going to wildly swing in quality, and you could miss other films that are arguably the better film.
Take that 1982 example again, the writer chose E.T. .. an amazing film by all accounts, but ignored Bladerunner, Empire Strikes Back, The Thing, Tron, Conan the Barbarian, Wrath of Kahn etc etc...
Sure not all these films are equal, but the metric of highest grossing film might work fine in the older years.. but I'm going to say that lately, that metric doesn't work anymore. And it doesn't work because honestly, was Spiderman the best film from last year?
Not showing him as cast of terminator 2, his most successful movie, is bad, but not showing him as cast of CONAN THE BARBARIAN -the 1982 movie- is worst!!¡
> and how perfect the soundtrack, sets and underlying themes work in the movie.
Basil Poledouris is a true genius
Not surprisingly he worked with Milius on many other movies besides "Conan the Barbarian" and Verhoeven, who directed Total Recall.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Basil_Poledouris
I now honestly think that great entertainment is an action-lead plot that's executed by an auteur with a deep vision, helped by a crew of true professionals. I was reminded of how great and multilayered Conan the Barbarian (also with Arnold), and how perfect the soundtrack, sets and underlying themes work in the movie.
They never attempt anything begging for awards, nor the signaling that many modern filmmakers do just to impress, they just put in the things that seemed to work best.
One of the great lines from the Conan the Barbarian film (1982): "Two or three years ago it was just another snake cult"
> For example, when he discusses the latest Dune with Lawrence of Arabia - both acclaimed movies.
But Dune is barely out for a few months - it's a blockbuster, for sure, with enormous production budget, lots of public interest, etc. But so was Jurassic World, the Star Wars sequels or the Hobbit trilogy. Whether Dune will become an all-time classic like Laurence of Arabia remains to be seen.
Maybe a fairer comparison would be something like Lord of the Rings vs Dragonheart or Conan the Barbarian or whatever else iconic fantasy movie there was before the CGI era?
Or for Scifi, maybe the old Star Trek movies vs Avatar? (Blue cat people, not the other Avatar)
Or Star Trek TOS vs Deep Space Nine vs Discovery.
Due to my age when I watched UHF I had not seen many of the movies that it referenced: Conan the Barbarian, Rambo, Indiana Jones & The Temple of Doom, Treasure of the Sierra Madre, Close Encounters - only over time did I come to appreciate it.
What I like about Conan is to see how the character evolves through the movie. In the beginning through his upbringing he believes in violence as a means to solve all problems, however he slowly realizes that power lies elsewhere - Thulsa Doom reveals to him that strength is not about one's abilities, but about the ability to control and influence others. And there's the whole myth about the father and its role in one's life (and ultimately Conan's father's sword is broken at the end of one fight, while his father told him right at the beginning "you cannot trust men or beasts... but this (steel), you can trust".)
Most people see Conan the Barbarian as a barbaric movie with blood and sex but it goes much, much deeper than that. There are multiple interpretations and ongoing symbolism everywhere in this flick.
And the music... the music! It's almost like an opera.
I think Conan the barbarian (the first one of course) was his best movie. A perfect fit for Arnold and wonderful cinematography. I watch it every year.
I think its time we all revisit "Born On The Fourth of July". Stone's bore of a movie in search of a plot. What it lacks in direction and basic story-telling it makes up for in emotion and political bias. I lost braincells watching this foolishness and it is enough to convince me to ignore all other politically sensitive Stone movies. Stone should go back to doing movies like "Conan the Barbarian", which is a classic.
As someone living in the US, I happen to have Amazon Prime + Netlix (disc + streaming) and Hulu Plus (keep meaning to cancel, but actually like some of the b-movies). None of the streaming services actually have decent content available on a regular basis. Want to see the original of Conan the Barbarian? It got replaced on Netflix by the crappy remake just after it's release.
All three are mostly useful for assorted TV series viewing. Little, of interest, movie-wise is available on them on a regular basis.
I'm actually reevaluating the whole Netflix/Hulu subscription thing.
I'll start. I want to work so hard because I want to get up on a podium someday at my high school or college podium and make a "f-you all" speech like Jerry McGuire in "Jerry McGuire" (1996). I want to make all of the guys who bullied me or dismissed me wonder looking at me how they got where they are now. I want to make all of the girls/ex'es who spurned me or laughed at me wonder why they didn't see the diamond in the rough and where they are now with their faded beauty.
I want to make all of my co-workers/bosses/peers who droned on smugly about their "weekend project" or play politics shameless/gunning for promotions that I was passed up for or social networked and got lucky and got funding because of BS skillz, feel jealous in their deepest of their hearts and acknowledge my technical prowess for a moment despite every ounce in their masculine alpha-geek conscience begrudging the idea. Like Conan the Barbarian, "What is the meaning of life? To Crush your enemies, see them driven before you and hear the lamentation of their woman!"
But my conscience tells me that I have to tone it down a bit because I'm not a jock, I don't want to stoop down to the same level of those who've bullied me. I'm a sensitive hacker in every sense of the goodness and owning that word, I live in Brooklyn (but not Williamsburg); I'm not a hipster and I take my gf every weekend to the indie movie theatre and we discuss the scenes and snuggle afterwards. But then I get on the Ubuntu laptop and hack on my github repo. I'm not a jock and I'm not a hipster, I'm a sensitive hacker.
I want to start a company not for the money because once it gets big, not only will give me financial freedom but will give me an opportunity to give back to the open-source community (after all, isn't what social networking is originally about, finding an connection). I'll start a blog with a side-bar with me as the Founder of X. I'll give the traditional old media/education/gov't and even tech establishment a piece of my mind, information is suppose to be free, college is dead, employee's are companies not employees, bitcoins is the future and the establishment is just afraid of change. I'll work hard, I'll code and code some more until I ship, in between the late night hackathon and late afternoon coding hangover, I'll tweet for a break, I'll share on your FB wall, I'll reddit and share my thoughts with the community (after all, that's what coding is about, finding a connection),
I occasionally come across article about burn-outs. Of course, I've had that for sure, no correction, I've had many mental breakdowns. It makes me pause, think and re-evaluate. But I've grown wiser and stronger, I'm not that same person. I know what's important in my life. My friendships and my SO. I'm going to book a ticket on Stubhub for a show next weekend that I and my GF can go to, starred artist on her Spotify. And just booked another trip to Austin to visit my college friend, just in time for SXSW. (After all, that's what life is about, finding a connection). I and my SO taking salsa lessons and I bike on weekends to find another positive outlet to vent my frustration and energy (after all, that's what life is about, trying out new things and discovering yourself). I'm saving money consciously for a down payment for a house after reading more about passive income because I'm growing to become an adult.
I'm an responsible adult now, a sensitive hacker who hacks; And I'll code and code some more and then I'll spend some quality time with my SO.
And I will ship, that's for sure. Ship or die trying.